Catching Up

Just got back in from dinner and drinks with Sam. Haven’t had a chance to go out with her alone since she left for Aussieland about 2 years ago for studies. As she poured out story after story about her life there, it really sunk in how much the 2 of us have grown since days in college. Mindblowing. That is apart from her absolutely fucking insane lifestyle she has there. I wouldn’t want to be judging her now, because even though I am quite sure we are now rather divided on opinions, I still really do love my friend. And I know I am the kind of person who will hear the other out before slowly dissecting each and every part of the conversation and (slowly) delve into agreement or otherwise.

2 years ago, we were on the same page. On topics of trust, love, friendships and whole lot more. I knew she had changed, I can’t call it matured because it doesn’t seem that way. Neither would I say it’s for the worse because I know I am in no position to say decisions she made were wrong and it is really a matter of perspective. She became a hell lot more open minded ? That’d be the most appropriate word to describe it, at this point I’d say.  I don’t know, I am still trying to grasps the fact that I have a friend who wants to date guys a generation, or two, older than herself. I can’t help but fear that it would lead to more heart breaks. And that she’s become someone who was alright with being in the same room as 2 friends fucking. Or that she was used to the idea of making out with strangers. She has always been strong I know, but underneath that I don’t believe she doesn’t have vulnerable points. I see the way she blogs, the way she updates her status, and even without her explaining, it’s pretty obvious she is still struggling, like all normal 20 year olds are, in life, in love, in her family, in school.  But apart from that, I still see her, quick to noticing the good in people, the willingness to stand up for those she loves. So you see, I can’t say she’s grown to become worse. It’s not a matter of good and bad, but a situation of perhaps, circumstance.

Circumstance. Would any of us have turned out any different from Sam if we were put in her position? Us, I mean the people who have been sitting here listening to her tell her stories and then judging her once her head is turned.  I highly doubt it. We are all put in different situations at specific times and God knows how each of us come out of each battle. Scarred, bruised but maybe stronger, or perhaps unscathed but more vulnerable and uncertain. We still got to walk this path, maybe it’s true that we should jump out of line once in awhile, just so that we can proudly say we’ve tried living the life. I will miss the old Sam, if I may call her that. But then again, I love the New one too, she’s straightforward, and all the same the amazing friend I wouldn’t mind hearing out a million times over (even if the stories get rather mortifying about whose fucking who). I mean what kind of friends would leave the moment circumstance change?

And so here goes me, thinking about the possibilities of people who will still stick up for me despite how I have grown through the years. I really wonder how I am being judged by people. I know it shouldn’t really matter, but all these thoughts about judgemental people do really get to me sometimes.

okay okay, I shall stop. On a side note, I am really blogging so much nowadays! Been rather bored, but I kinda knew this holidays would be this way, sad to say. So many friends are out of town and I already see a lonely christmas ): Need to try and keep my chins up, keep the festive mood up!!